abuse , catholic , catholic divorce , communication , divorce , divorce recovery , friendship , narcissistic abuse , trauma recovery
In the spirit of ‘open and honest’ communication, a la The Bachelor, I’d like to get into a couple things I struggle with when talking about The Situation (Divorce, Trauma, Abuse, Etc.).
Some of these things genuinely annoy the hell out of me, and some of these things I realize are well-intentioned and possibly just poorly timed.
Let’s start with the Genuinely Annoying:
That’s not abuse that’s abandonment. Do I really need to spell this one out? Abandonment is abuse. Moving on.
I hope you and your husband work things out. I just spent an hour explaining that my relationship was emotionally abusive and that’s what you came up with? Obviously that’s not an option, so thanks but no thanks for your well wishes. It’s creepy and weird and you obviously A) don’t believe me or B) weren’t listening.
Did you pray about it? I know I’ve covered this…
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cross cultural communication, friendship, impact, intent, internship, Micro Aggression
We live in a world that includes conflict and
misunderstanding. Often these
misunderstandings occur with friends.
Frequently, understanding the “intent” behind the misconception
and its “impact” diffuses the
conflict. Resolving the discord requires leaning into discomfort by embracing a
courageous conversation regarding the impact.
Racism and internalized oppression complicate the relationship between
“intent” and “impact.”
In the spring of 1988, as an intern at a Children’s Hospital in a major urban city, I worked 100 hours a week, which included at least two sleepless nights. As the only African American resident in the program, the isolation could be profound. I found solace in the relationships formed with black ancillary and janitorial staff, and many of my Pediatric patients and families.
I met Jennifer, my closest fellow intern, for lunch. As we talked about the patients admitted to the hospital the night before, a comment from Jennifer filtered in from nowhere…
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content , content writing , english , english language
In a job portal, one of the requirements for a content writer reads can write and speak native English. It would not have caught my attention if the word native wasn’t there.
I got so confused that I had to consult Google. Google brought me to a website with a query that says ‘Who is considered a native speaker of English?’
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Are people always telling you to be silent? Do you often speak without thinking and end up regretting what you’ve said? Would you just feel as if there’s too much noise on your head and want to learn how to turn it away? The fantastic thing is that anybody at all may be quiet — it just takes time and patience. If you want to know how to be silent,…
call to action, community, connection, inspiration
How are you doing?
How often do we get asked this question on a daily basis. How often do we ask others this question?
How often do you start to answer and then realize the person asking does not want the meat and potatoes – so to speak – of how you are doing? They want the classic ‘I’m good’ answer. They want the appetizer, not the entree. In some cases, for some, maybe the appetizer is enough to fill your stomach, but it will not sustain you.
Food analogies aside, it’s a very quick back and forth. More like a simple way to say hello and acknowledge someone’s presence. But what if when we asked someone how they are doing we were really making the effort and taking the time to connect with them on a deeper level and get past the superficial?
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Feedback is like a drug to me, and I’ve been a junkie for it all of my working life. Not just the nice, ‘you’ve done a good job’ kind of feedback, but more of the ‘here’s what you can do better’ variety that gives me something tangible to munch on.
Maybe it’s because I never had the kind of enviable confidence that some people have. The kind of confidence that makes them feel like they are always right. The kind of confidence that, like a security blanket or better yet, a protective shield, makes it difficult for any kind of criticism to seep through.