not cool things to say to your buddies

abuse , catholic , catholic divorce , communication , divorce , divorce recovery , friendship , narcissistic abuse , trauma recovery

Letters to You

In the spirit of ‘open and honest’ communication, a la The Bachelor, I’d like to get into a couple things I struggle with when talking about The Situation (Divorce, Trauma, Abuse, Etc.).

Some of these things genuinely annoy the hell out of me, and some of these things I realize are well-intentioned and possibly just poorly timed.

Let’s start with the Genuinely Annoying:

That’s not abuse that’s abandonment. Do I really need to spell this one out? Abandonment is abuse. Moving on.

I hope you and your husband work things out. I just spent an hour explaining that my relationship was emotionally abusive and that’s what you came up with? Obviously that’s not an option, so thanks but no thanks for your well wishes. It’s creepy and weird and you obviously A) don’t believe me or B) weren’t listening.

Did you pray about it? I know I’ve covered this…

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Forgetting Words In Your Native Language Is A Good Sign

Brain, Forgetting, Language learning, Languages, Learning

Yuhakko 语학子

As a polyglot, I’ve come to speak or read on a daily basis a multitude of languages.

I sometimes wake up speaking English, switch to Japanese for work, read an article in Korean before meeting up with French friends. Sounds great but there’s a problem with that too.

I’ve come to “forget” words I knew.

Or, to be more precise, they are stuck on the tip of my tongue.

For non-language learners, this is laughable. But for anybody learning a foreign language for long enough, this feels like a real problem.

Could you forget your native language?

If you live in your native country, the risk of forgetting it altogether is rather low. But the probability of forgetting common words stays really high.

“I… 기억한다… 覚えてる…记得… me souviens… ah right! I remember!”

In reality, unless you have some kind of brain damage or grow old and get…

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You Don’t Get Me

cross cultural communication, friendship, impact, intent, internship, Micro Aggression

Stacie Walton MD

We live in a world that includes conflict and
misunderstanding. Often these
misunderstandings occur with friends.
Frequently, understanding the “intent” behind the misconception
and its “impact” diffuses the
conflict. Resolving the discord requires leaning into discomfort by embracing a
courageous conversation regarding the impact.
Racism and internalized oppression complicate the relationship between
“intent” and “impact.”

In the spring of 1988, as an intern at a Children’s Hospital in a major urban city, I worked 100 hours a week, which included at least two sleepless nights. As the only African American resident in the program, the isolation could be profound. I found solace in the relationships formed with black ancillary and janitorial staff, and many of my Pediatric patients and families.

I met Jennifer, my closest fellow intern, for lunch. As we talked about the patients admitted to the hospital the night before, a comment from Jennifer filtered in from nowhere…

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The Confusion about the Native English Language

content , content writing , english , english language

Bing Writes Content

photo courtesy of pexels

In a job portal, one of the requirements for a content writer reads can write and speak native English.  It would not have caught my attention if the word native wasn’t there.

I got so confused that I had to consult Google.  Google brought me to a website with a query that says ‘Who is considered a native speaker of English?’

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Becoming Silent

Are people always telling you to be silent? Do you often speak without thinking and end up regretting what you’ve said? Would you just feel as if there’s too much noise on your head and want to learn how to turn it away? The fantastic thing is that anybody at all may be quiet — it just takes time and patience. If you want to know how to be silent,…

https://mzochim.wordpress.com/2019/07/15/2-ways-to-be-silent/

Feedback Rules

Feedback is like a drug to me, and I’ve been a junkie for it all of my working life. Not just the nice, ‘you’ve done a good job’ kind of feedback, but more of the ‘here’s what you can do better’ variety that gives me something tangible to munch on.

Maybe it’s because I never had the kind of enviable confidence that some people have. The kind of confidence that makes them feel like they are always right. The kind of confidence that, like a security blanket or better yet, a protective shield, makes it difficult for any kind of criticism to seep through.

The Intoxication of Feedback

Listen to the Silence and Appreciate It

listening , persuasion , self-confidence , self-improvement , silence

Yuhakko 语학子

Our lives are filled with sounds. We are always surrounded with music, noises from the streets, sounds we make, etc.

For this reason we have all become unease with silence. We despise it, try to avoid it like the pest, and often end up filling it in whatever way possible to make it stop.

Why do we push it away so much though?

I believe the reason behind this is simply that it is a common habit we all have.

Habits can be great tools for improving ourselves but it can also be the cause of great troubles. Being an alcoholic is having a habit of drinking too regularly, smoking is a habit that can cause cancer, eating unhealthy food is a habit that can provoke many health-related problems.

In a similar way, not being comfortable with silence is a habit that causes troubles. Contrary to the above examples…

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Subject and Object: Explorations how we construct meaning and language

Buddhism, communication, dualism, Knowledge, Language, meaning, subject/object

We are all Interconnected even with the Universe

Subject and Object: Explorations how we construct meaning and language

We experience ourselves and the world as subject and object only through conceptualization and language. This dualism, however, is only mental and not real. Mind produces this subject-object dualism. The subjectivity of our mind affects our perceptions of the worldthat is held to be objective by natural science.”

Tom Arnold

The entire world of experience is one which is comprised of the polarity between subjectivity and objectivity. […] The subjectivity and objectivity are mutually dependently originated […] the subjective and objective aspects of our experience are in fact the linked “poles” of a single process.’ Susan Hamilton

In all psychic life there is subject and object.’ Karl Jaspers

 Mental Structures

Defined in psychology and cognitive science, schemas are mental structures of preconceived ideas, a framework representing some aspect of the world, or a system…

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